Guess what?!

I, Matthew Stephen Boucher officially declare someone likes reading these.
Yes, they do. I won't mention their name, because it's probably illegal to do so, in the same way it is now illegal to photograph an empty paddling pool because you will be deemed a paedophile. Yes, two little old ladies actually were.
Though to be honest, I have NO idea why you would want to photograph such a thing, it's actually probably correct to lock them up. The wierd hags.
It's also perfectly legal to urinate into a policemans hat if you are pregnant, which makes the concept of being a female slut suddenly very advertising.
While I'm on the subject of Paedophilia, why does goddamn everyone seem to have wierd fetishes all of a sudden?
If you felt so inclined, apparently you can look for feet porn on the internet...
I am not joking.
I would find that erousing in the same way that my grandmother giving me a pole dance would turn me on. Eesh... the thought.
Another stupid one is fat fetishes. Noone actually finds it attractive, but you have to if you're homosexual or a man called Mika you have to love them apparently.
More to love... my bottom. Go and shag a horse then, they're bigger than people.