So happy holidays,eh?

For the last week I've been sitting in Devon on what apparently is a "holiday", and I can tell you I am exeedingly pleased to be sitting back in my house, about 4 hours away from any hint of tourism, and finally looking at something from the 21st century.
I have come to the conclusion that holidays are a waste of time and we should all stay at home. No really... come on, think about it.
Florida. Apparently one of the best holiday destinations in the world.
Okay, so you trudge into the airport because some idiot decided to build the terminal about four hundred miles from the car park (after being stuck in traffic for about 3 hours), and spend another hour queing behind some people on a SAGA holiday that filled in their forms incorrectly. Once you've done that, you go through customs.
For some reason they've decided that we're all going to try and blow up the plane with a bottle of unopened Evian or some baby milk. So they decide to throw it all away.
So once they've robbed you, they decide to humiliate you further by making you take off your shoes incase -in some way- you managed to invent a high powered bomb that can fit in your shoe, with your foot already inside it. And I can tell you, sitting on the floor of an airport, surrounded by hundreds of people and trying to take off converses is not that fun.
So once you've seen a really cool x-ray of your shoe you put it back on and then it's time for the metal detector.
For some reason I always manage to get beeped and then felt by some obviously perverted man incase I've managed to conseal a bomb under my armpit or something. Come on, how are you going to put a reasonable sized bomb under your shirt without having an obvious square sticking out of you? Exactly.
So once you've done that they x-ray your bag, and you realise that everyone puts the dumbest things in theirs, and everything looks like a bomb anyway. So you do all that, and pass the even more perverted men with latex gloves... just incase you decided to store weed up your penis.
And so you enter the shopping bit. And the people that built the airports suddenly think that we're all very interested in perfume and jewlerry...
Naturally, you run to the book shop so you can think of a book to read on the nine hour flight ahead of you, and end up coming out with something terribly awful that you're guaranteed to hate.
You then go to the departure lounge and show the tickets that you sold you left leg to buy... to a woman with too much lipstick. And so you walk onto the plane, after walking past about 100,000 HSBC adverts and smiling at the flight addendants that frankly could pass as clowns.
So you sit down and read the safety manual and consequently panic because you cant find the life jacket below your seat, and realise that if this thing crashes, you are going to die.
You then have to turn your iPod or MP3 off incase it makes the plane explode somehow, and watch the flight attendants do a funny dance that's noone pays attention to anyway because everyone already can see the obvious doors.
You then take off and spend the next half an hour crying because your ears have blown up to 900 times their normal size. You then cry some more when you realise the person sitting next to you wants to talk to you, and then cry even more when you realise they're American and they have brought along a small child that needs the toilet every three seconds.
So after watching the end to Kill Bill for the 23rd time you land at the airport and again, you are searched...just to make sure that when you were in England they didn't miss your arse crack.
You then walk outside and realise that your internal organs have all been hit with an invisible cricket bat and then doused in petrol and set on fire. You then spend the next 5 hours trying to find your hire car, and another 25 hours stalling it because the gearbox is different.
The next two weeks you stand in long lines, stare at fat people, and get drowned because other tourists in union jack boxer shorts can't wait until they're allowed to go down the slides. But it's okay because you can look foward to the long journey home...
And Devon's worse, they're all old and inbred, and haven't grasped the concept of electricity yet.
That's why when I come to power...
...I shall implode Florida.