Parents and Old People.

As a teenage boy, I do not like a lot of things. One of these is the fact I'm about a year too young for basically everything that's fun and interesting, and another is that fact that everyone above the age of around 53 thinks that you're going to kill them with your knives and rap music while driving in your stolen Ford Escort. And so, annoying schemes are thought up, such as "hug the hoodie", which is now the pure reason that I hate anyone involved in politics.
Another thing is parents, during this period of your life, their main ambition in life is to nag you, and embarrass you in every single possible way that there is.
My dad, for example, will drive past in the car when I am with a group of friends, and shout “HII MATTTT!!” at the top of his voice and then get beeped at by about five other cars because he has slowed down to about 3mph to do so. He will also be the sort of person that will try to suddenly be like you for no reason whatsoever. Mine did this by listening to Radio One and Capital, and pretending he likes the Sugababes, of whom I hate.
So, to any parents that tries to do this, I will not say please stop because they physically can’t stop being complete and utter twats all the time, what I will say however is go and bugger off to Australia, because I’m not there, and neither, are any of my friends.
If an adult has no children, the chances are that they are fat. This means that they want to become thin and this means that they need to diet and exercise. There is a place for this, and it is called the gym. This therefore, leaves no excuse to put on a pink tracksuit and power walk outside my house whilst holding a bottle of water, making this half mile strut around the block seem like an SAS expedition in the Sahara.
What is worse, is the way that you also feel very scared that they are going to attack you whilst doing so, as they are walking towards you with a determined look, and either have the face of a bulldog, or they are walking along side one.
It doesn’t get any better when they get older either. From the age of retirement, men feel the sudden urge to go off and play golf.
Golf is the most dumbest and expensive sport in the world, and when I retire, I shall make it my sworn duty never to play it. Firstly, everyone there is professional or wears tartan … or both at the same time, which means they’re much better than you at it and given half a chance they’ll prove this by getting a bogie – whatever the fuck that is, while you’re on your 99th shot sitting in a sand pit with your three iron (Again, whatever the hell that is).
While men are in the club house talking about golf like things, such as balls and clubs, women have a completely different attitude towards retirement. They sit there all day, and moan about literally everything. Everything includes me.
Now that they’re not moaning about work, or periods because their menopause is over, they will basically sit on their little arm chair all day, and look out the window thinking of everything under the sun to have a good old whine about.
Global warming. Television. Golf. Their husbands.
You name it, they’ll do it. And that’s okay, as I rarely talk to old people, but one thing I will not tolerate from anyone is;
“Things are not how they used to be...”
No they’re not, they’re better; we have colour television screens, less work, faster cars and planes, more healthcare and so on…
But no. They won’t have it. They’ll sit there, watching their HD TV sets, and moan about gang culture, knives, and guns, and reminiscing on the times they used to spend playing hop scotch, follow the leader, and so on…